Honestly I forgot I had a blog. Do people still blog? I apparently don't.
These days I prefer Instagram stories more than anything. You can follow that journey here:
Lesley's Instagram
Mostly, I have fallen into the "too busy" for much of anything trap. Between work, raising two wild boys and everything else life throws at me I don't have time for much of anything.
I am, however, working on reading more and my current book is I Will Teach You To Be Rich.
I highly recommend this book! The author makes it so easy to read about what could be considered a boring topic. The advice is very practical and sustainable. I am looking forward to the chapter on investing. Maybe I'll be able to retire one day sooner rather than later.
Now back to work...
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Why do I feel like I got slapped in the face?
Today is a rough day. I've been trying to figure out why I am so upset over this election as opposed to elections in the past. I was literally tearing up in my car so I really had to pull back and ask myself why?
So I think its this:
I feel betrayed by my family, friends and those that voted for this man. I feel like half the country just said I don't matter - that Women don't matter, Minority's don't matter, Human rights don't matter.
But who am I to be hurt by this result?
I am a mom. I am an attorney. I provide the majority of the financial support for my family.
I breastfeed my child.
I was a pageant queen. I have not always been thin and I am definitely not as thin as I was when I did pageants.
I've had men try to grab and touch me inappropriately.
I've been bullied.
I was raised in rural Texas and have many men in my life and in my family who buy into the idea that women are less.
Now this country's president elect, my president, says that people like me are "disgusting", he says its OK to touch women inappropriately, he bullies, he says awful things - and other Americans are OK with this. My own father voted for him and that hurts. My own husband is a Republican and is good with the results. It makes me feel sick - like a punch to the stomach or a slap to the face. I feel like all the bullies, sexists, racists have now been given license to continue their awful behavior.
Is it that people hate Hillary Clinton so much? Or is it that this country is not ready for a woman president - so much so that we will elect a man, ANY man no matter how badly he behaves, over a woman? I am just baffled. I don't understand.
But I will try to. I will try to continue to be a good citizen and support what I think is right. I will try not to be disheartened by this election and what it says about our country. And I will pray for the safety of our citizens and for the continued success of America.
So I think its this:
I feel betrayed by my family, friends and those that voted for this man. I feel like half the country just said I don't matter - that Women don't matter, Minority's don't matter, Human rights don't matter.
But who am I to be hurt by this result?
I am a mom. I am an attorney. I provide the majority of the financial support for my family.
I breastfeed my child.
I was a pageant queen. I have not always been thin and I am definitely not as thin as I was when I did pageants.
I've had men try to grab and touch me inappropriately.
I've been bullied.
I was raised in rural Texas and have many men in my life and in my family who buy into the idea that women are less.
Now this country's president elect, my president, says that people like me are "disgusting", he says its OK to touch women inappropriately, he bullies, he says awful things - and other Americans are OK with this. My own father voted for him and that hurts. My own husband is a Republican and is good with the results. It makes me feel sick - like a punch to the stomach or a slap to the face. I feel like all the bullies, sexists, racists have now been given license to continue their awful behavior.
Is it that people hate Hillary Clinton so much? Or is it that this country is not ready for a woman president - so much so that we will elect a man, ANY man no matter how badly he behaves, over a woman? I am just baffled. I don't understand.
But I will try to. I will try to continue to be a good citizen and support what I think is right. I will try not to be disheartened by this election and what it says about our country. And I will pray for the safety of our citizens and for the continued success of America.
Friday, February 12, 2016
Why I spent a small fortune on an old dog.
My pug, Cactus Jack, will turn 15 in May (God willing). Sadly, He recently had a bout of eye problems that necessitated the removal of the eye (the mal ojo as I like to call it). I was heartbroken it came to this and, although it makes me sad to look at him, he and I slowly seem to be getting used to it. I'm currently looking for an eye patch for him which I think will make him look a lot cooler.
When I told my dad the cost to have the eye removed (after I had already spent money trying to medicate it and save the eye) he said: "I think you need to put the dog down." My immediate response was: Why? He's fine otherwise. My dad said: "He's not fine. He's old." Miffed, I responded that my dad was old as well but no one was talking about putting him down. Why would he even suggest such a thing?
So I made the choice to spend the money on this dog (despite our current need for a termite treatment and foundation repair, not to mention the impending arrival of our second child - all which need significant funds). Why? Does it make the dog love me more? Does he know or understand the choice? Will he be a better dog and stop marking his territory in the house or not growl at the other dogs when they come near his food? No. No, he'll continue to be the same dog he has been, minus an eye.
He'll continue to drive my husband crazy with his whining to be let inside not 5 minutes after we've let him out. He'll continue to spend most of the day sleeping and snoring. He'll continue to snub his food unless we put wet food in the bowl, after which, he'll gobble it down. He'll continue to sleep in bed with us, on my husband's side. He'll continue to wag his tail when we come home and get excited when I put a leash on him (even though he can't make it very far for a walk.) In other words, he will continue his life as usual.
The consideration for his quality of life was foremost in my mind but ultimately, that's not why I did it. I did it because he is family. He has been my family for close to 15 years. He has been with me through heartbreaks and celebrations. We have cuddled together during freak cold front during a camping trip and splashed in the river during the summer heat. We've moved from many apartments and traveled the roads of I-35 on several long hauls. We have buried his sister/litter mate together. We've dealt with a lot, he and I. He deserves, at the very least, to be taken care of to the best of my abilities. That's the promise I made to him when I became his owner.
Believe me, I haven't always held up my end of the bargain. There are many times I worked longer hours or spent time out when he could have used my attention. He wasn't ever mad at me about my failings. I forever had another chance to do better. He was just happy to be with me which says a lot. Not even my husband is happy to be with me all the time.
I love this old dog - this old dog I still consider to be my baby. Given the choice over and over again, I would never choose differently. Its only money. Its not like I'll stop working and I certainly can't take it with me when I go.
I would have 1000 regrets about ending his life too soon. He will go one day, sooner rather than later, and I hope God sees it fit to be a quick, painless passing for both of us. But (to quote Gladiator), not yet...not yet.
When I told my dad the cost to have the eye removed (after I had already spent money trying to medicate it and save the eye) he said: "I think you need to put the dog down." My immediate response was: Why? He's fine otherwise. My dad said: "He's not fine. He's old." Miffed, I responded that my dad was old as well but no one was talking about putting him down. Why would he even suggest such a thing?
So I made the choice to spend the money on this dog (despite our current need for a termite treatment and foundation repair, not to mention the impending arrival of our second child - all which need significant funds). Why? Does it make the dog love me more? Does he know or understand the choice? Will he be a better dog and stop marking his territory in the house or not growl at the other dogs when they come near his food? No. No, he'll continue to be the same dog he has been, minus an eye.
He'll continue to drive my husband crazy with his whining to be let inside not 5 minutes after we've let him out. He'll continue to spend most of the day sleeping and snoring. He'll continue to snub his food unless we put wet food in the bowl, after which, he'll gobble it down. He'll continue to sleep in bed with us, on my husband's side. He'll continue to wag his tail when we come home and get excited when I put a leash on him (even though he can't make it very far for a walk.) In other words, he will continue his life as usual.
The consideration for his quality of life was foremost in my mind but ultimately, that's not why I did it. I did it because he is family. He has been my family for close to 15 years. He has been with me through heartbreaks and celebrations. We have cuddled together during freak cold front during a camping trip and splashed in the river during the summer heat. We've moved from many apartments and traveled the roads of I-35 on several long hauls. We have buried his sister/litter mate together. We've dealt with a lot, he and I. He deserves, at the very least, to be taken care of to the best of my abilities. That's the promise I made to him when I became his owner.
Believe me, I haven't always held up my end of the bargain. There are many times I worked longer hours or spent time out when he could have used my attention. He wasn't ever mad at me about my failings. I forever had another chance to do better. He was just happy to be with me which says a lot. Not even my husband is happy to be with me all the time.
I love this old dog - this old dog I still consider to be my baby. Given the choice over and over again, I would never choose differently. Its only money. Its not like I'll stop working and I certainly can't take it with me when I go.
I would have 1000 regrets about ending his life too soon. He will go one day, sooner rather than later, and I hope God sees it fit to be a quick, painless passing for both of us. But (to quote Gladiator), not yet...not yet.
 |
| Cactus Jack, the one-eyed pug. |
Saturday, January 23, 2016
My Marriage is Not Perfect...
In today's social media world everyone is constantly posting, tweeting, talking about how wonderful their lives are and how they've found the perfect spouse and/or relationship. We only see the good side of so many things it can make use feel like less because our lives don't measure up.
In real life marriage is tough. In real life its hard. Life is hard period. Today was a prime example.
My pug of 15 years has an ulcer on his eye. Its bad and I'm heartbroken about it because I feel like I should have done more to catch it earlier. Its harder to pay attention to him now that I am a married, working mom with a 17 month old and a baby on the way. I feel like a bad dog owner and like I've been less of a friend to my faithful companion simply because of my lack of time or increasingly distracting lifestyle. The truth is, at 15, he doesn't demand much. Food, water, a bed to sleep in and a little bit of petting and he's fairly content.
What makes it all the worse is that my husband hates this dog. Mainly because, at 15, he can't control his bladder. If he lets you know he needs to go out, you can't make him wait. He really just doesn't wait and my husband hates him for it. I have to contstantly hear him say things like:
"I hate that dog."
"Why don't you just go get the .22 and put him out of his misery?"
"Let's open the door and just let him run off."
He thinks he's being funny. He says a lot of terrible things in the name of "just joking around." He's kind of a dick. I knew this about him when I married him. I made the choice. There were other guys I dated, who were nicer, more caring, more concerned about what was going on with me and my well being. That is not who I chose.
The thing about guys that are dicks is that they are also exhausting. I am worn out from dealing with him. When I asked him why I always come last behind everyone and everything else he said "its because you're a wife and a mommy." -- Like it is completely normal for everything I need to go on the back burner. Should that really be the case?
Listen - I'm grateful for my family. I am blessed to have a healthy son and a healthy pregnancy. There are times when my husband does something good or helpful and I do appreciate those things but the balance is way off. I believe women are the workhorses. We are the obligers. We are the root of the support system. It is a great privilege to have this role and yet it is a tough job. The hardest job I've ever had. What I want to know is: While we are holding our family together, who holds us together? While we are taking care of everything and everyone, who takes care of us? Too often it is not our partner. I don't think I'm alone in feeling like the support is one sided.
I'm sure my husband would have his own version of the story and today's events. Maybe neither one of us is a really a reliable narrator for the story of this imperfect marriage. Since he's in bed snoring while I'm up for the night giving the dog eye drops every hour, then my version is the only one out there. Just a real honest post about how, today, I don't think my husband is that great or that our marriage is the best ever. Today it, and he, kind of sucked and I wasn't happy about it. So for everyone else out there who had a shitty day with a not-so-great partner - know that you are not alone, you are not less and you are not lacking. My marriage is not perfect.
In real life marriage is tough. In real life its hard. Life is hard period. Today was a prime example.
My pug of 15 years has an ulcer on his eye. Its bad and I'm heartbroken about it because I feel like I should have done more to catch it earlier. Its harder to pay attention to him now that I am a married, working mom with a 17 month old and a baby on the way. I feel like a bad dog owner and like I've been less of a friend to my faithful companion simply because of my lack of time or increasingly distracting lifestyle. The truth is, at 15, he doesn't demand much. Food, water, a bed to sleep in and a little bit of petting and he's fairly content.
What makes it all the worse is that my husband hates this dog. Mainly because, at 15, he can't control his bladder. If he lets you know he needs to go out, you can't make him wait. He really just doesn't wait and my husband hates him for it. I have to contstantly hear him say things like:
"I hate that dog."
"Why don't you just go get the .22 and put him out of his misery?"
"Let's open the door and just let him run off."
He thinks he's being funny. He says a lot of terrible things in the name of "just joking around." He's kind of a dick. I knew this about him when I married him. I made the choice. There were other guys I dated, who were nicer, more caring, more concerned about what was going on with me and my well being. That is not who I chose.
The thing about guys that are dicks is that they are also exhausting. I am worn out from dealing with him. When I asked him why I always come last behind everyone and everything else he said "its because you're a wife and a mommy." -- Like it is completely normal for everything I need to go on the back burner. Should that really be the case?
Listen - I'm grateful for my family. I am blessed to have a healthy son and a healthy pregnancy. There are times when my husband does something good or helpful and I do appreciate those things but the balance is way off. I believe women are the workhorses. We are the obligers. We are the root of the support system. It is a great privilege to have this role and yet it is a tough job. The hardest job I've ever had. What I want to know is: While we are holding our family together, who holds us together? While we are taking care of everything and everyone, who takes care of us? Too often it is not our partner. I don't think I'm alone in feeling like the support is one sided.
I'm sure my husband would have his own version of the story and today's events. Maybe neither one of us is a really a reliable narrator for the story of this imperfect marriage. Since he's in bed snoring while I'm up for the night giving the dog eye drops every hour, then my version is the only one out there. Just a real honest post about how, today, I don't think my husband is that great or that our marriage is the best ever. Today it, and he, kind of sucked and I wasn't happy about it. So for everyone else out there who had a shitty day with a not-so-great partner - know that you are not alone, you are not less and you are not lacking. My marriage is not perfect.
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