Why I spent a small fortune on an old dog.

My pug, Cactus Jack, will turn 15 in May (God willing). Sadly, He recently had a bout of eye problems that necessitated the removal of the eye (the mal ojo as I like to call it). I was heartbroken it came to this and, although it makes me sad to look at him, he and I slowly seem to be getting used to it.  I'm currently looking for an eye patch for him which I think will make him look a lot cooler.

When I told my dad the cost to have the eye removed (after I had already spent money trying to medicate it and save the eye) he said:  "I think you need to put the dog down."  My immediate response was: Why?  He's fine otherwise.  My dad said:  "He's not fine.  He's old."  Miffed, I responded that my dad was old as well but no one was talking about putting him down.  Why would he even suggest such a thing?

So I made the choice to spend the money on this dog (despite our current need for a termite treatment and foundation repair, not to mention the impending arrival of our second child - all which need significant funds).  Why?  Does it make the dog love me more?  Does he know or understand the choice?  Will he be a better dog and stop marking his territory in the house or not growl at the other dogs when they come near his food?   No.  No, he'll continue to be the same dog he has been, minus an eye.  

He'll continue to drive my husband crazy with his whining to be let inside not 5 minutes after we've let him out.  He'll continue to spend most of the day sleeping and snoring.  He'll continue to snub his food unless we put wet food in the bowl, after which, he'll gobble it down.  He'll continue to sleep in bed with us, on my husband's side.  He'll continue to wag his tail when we come home and get excited when I put a leash on him (even though he can't make it very far for a walk.) In other words, he will continue his life as usual. 

The consideration for his quality of life was foremost in my mind but ultimately, that's not why I did it.  I did it because he is family. He has been my family for close to 15 years.  He has been with me through heartbreaks and celebrations.  We have cuddled together during freak cold front during a camping trip and splashed in the river during the summer heat.  We've moved from many apartments and traveled the roads of I-35 on several long hauls.  We have buried his sister/litter mate together.  We've dealt with a lot, he and I.  He deserves, at the very least, to be taken care of to the best of my abilities.  That's the promise I made to him when I became his owner.  

Believe me, I haven't always held up my end of the bargain.  There are many times I worked longer hours or spent time out when he could have used my attention.   He wasn't ever mad at me about my failings.  I forever had another chance to do better.  He was just happy to be with me which says a lot.  Not even my husband is happy to be with me all the time.  

I love this old dog - this old dog I still consider to be my baby.  Given the choice over and over again, I would never choose differently.  Its only money.  Its not like I'll stop working and I certainly can't take it with me when I go.  

I would have 1000 regrets about ending his life too soon.  He will go one day, sooner rather than later, and I hope God sees it fit to be a quick, painless passing for both of us.  But (to quote Gladiator), not yet...not yet. 

Cactus Jack, the one-eyed pug.

My Marriage is Not Perfect...

In today's social media world everyone is constantly posting, tweeting, talking about how wonderful their lives are and how they've found the perfect spouse and/or relationship.  We only see the good side of so many things it can make use feel like less because our lives don't measure up.

In real life marriage is tough.  In real life its hard.  Life is hard period.  Today was a prime example.

My pug of 15 years has an ulcer on his eye.  Its bad and I'm heartbroken about it because I feel like I should have done more to catch it earlier.  Its harder to pay attention to him now that I am a married, working mom with a 17 month old and a baby on the way.  I feel like a bad dog owner and like I've been less of a friend to my faithful companion simply because of my lack of time or increasingly distracting lifestyle.  The truth is, at 15, he doesn't demand much.  Food, water, a bed to sleep in and a little bit of petting and he's fairly content.

What makes it all the worse is that my husband hates this dog.  Mainly because, at 15, he can't control his bladder.  If he lets you know he needs to go out, you can't make him wait.  He really just doesn't wait and my husband hates him for it.  I have to contstantly hear him say things like:

"I hate that dog."
"Why don't you just go get the .22 and put him out of his misery?"
"Let's open the door and just let him run off."

He thinks he's being funny.  He says a lot of terrible things in the name of "just joking around."  He's kind of a dick.  I knew this about him when I married him.  I made the choice.   There were other guys I dated, who were nicer, more caring, more concerned about what was going on with me and my well being.  That is not who I chose. 

The thing about guys that are dicks is that they are also exhausting.  I am worn out from dealing with him.  When I asked him why I always come last behind everyone and everything else he said "its because you're a wife and a mommy." --  Like it is completely normal for everything I need to go on the back burner.  Should that really be the case?

Listen - I'm grateful for my family.  I am blessed to have a healthy son and a healthy pregnancy.  There are times when my husband does something good or helpful and I do appreciate those things but the balance is way off.  I believe women are the workhorses.  We are the obligers.  We are the root of the support system.  It is a great privilege to have this role and yet it is a tough job.  The hardest job I've ever had.  What I want to know is:   While we are holding our family together, who holds us together?   While we are taking care of everything and everyone, who takes care of us?  Too often it is not our partner.  I don't think I'm alone in feeling like the support is one sided.

I'm sure my husband would have his own version of the story and today's events.  Maybe neither one of us is a really a reliable narrator for the story of this imperfect marriage.  Since he's in bed snoring while I'm up for the night giving the dog eye drops every hour, then my version is the only one out there.  Just a real honest post about how, today, I don't think my husband is that great or that our marriage is the best ever.  Today it, and he, kind of sucked and I wasn't happy about it.  So for everyone else out there who had a shitty day with a not-so-great partner - know that you are not alone, you are not less and you are not lacking.  My marriage is not perfect.    

Eureka Springs

My dude and I went to Eureka Springs for our 1 year anniversary.  It was such a relaxing trip (even though it was freezing!)  We still got out and saw some very cool things despite the cold temps.

We stayed at The Inn at Rose Hall.  I highly recommend this B&B.  The owner and innkeeper are very nice.  The breakfast is very good and the rooms are very comfy.  We definitely took advantage of the giant jacuzzi tub a time or two (with a little champagne nearby).

One of my favorite places was Turpentine Creek Wildlife Refuge.  You can read more about the awesome work these people do to care for "Big Cats" that have been found and/or surrendered by their owners.  (Seriously people, why would you think a Tiger would be a good pet?  FYI - they're not - don't be an idiot and get a regular cat).  If helping animals is your thing, consider donating to this organization.

Another cool spot was a store called Fresh Harvest.  This place is a tasting room for olive oils and balsamic vinegars.  They have the standard oil and vinegar but also infuse the oils with things like Basil, Blood Orange and Cayenne (just to name a few).  We had a great time checking out the different flavors and I think I found a secret weapon for the State Fair Chili Cook-Off.  I took home a bunch of stuff from this place.

My favorite restaurants were Local Flavor Cafe and Ermilio's (the waitress at Ermilio's asked me if I was old enough to drink the wine and then asked hubby for my age to confirm.  heehee)  Highly recommend both! 

And, Finally, Here are a few pics:

When hubby was born, his hippie parents lived next to this artist.  Apparently he's in the Louvre and NYC Modern Art Museum.  From the hills of Arkansas to NYC - who knew? 

Cool little amphitheater

I love Irises - there are lots in this area.

The Crescent Hotel is supposedly haunted.  We didn't see any ghosts.

Thorncrown Chapel - Beautiful and Peaceful -  http://www.thorncrown.com/

Cheers to 1 year of marriage!

Our beautiful anniversary cake from Frosted Art Bakery in Dallas, TX.

Me and my man.  He's a cutie.

A little gift from hubby...he did good!

If you have a long weekend, Eureka Springs is definitely worth a visit!

Texts from my husband:

J:  You have a warrant out in Farmers Branch?

                                                                       Me:  No.  Why?

J:  You got a letter for not paying a ticket.

                                                                      Me:  What letter??
                                                                              From when?
                                                                              What date?

J:  Gaw!!!!!!!! 7/17/2011
    My wife is a felon :(

                                                                      Me:  I'm not a fu*king felon.
                                                                              How much?

J:  $100 I think
                                                                      Me:  Is there a website?
                                                                              About to pay it right now.

J: Costs $25 to pay online

(At this point he emails a copy of the letter to me at my WORK email with the subject line: Felony Warrant)

                                                             
                                                                     Me:  It's NOT a felony, asshole!

                                                                     Me:  And it doesn't say there's a fee
                                                                             for paying online.

J:  Yeah, I just read it again...

    Maybe some conjugal visits when you're in jail?

                                                                    Me:  No.  You're ill.
                                                                            Worst husband ever.

J:  Best husband ever for sticking by my wife,
    the criminal.







                                                                    

I don't participate in the 30 days of thankfulness like all my Facebook friends but I do have something I'm very thankful for today...

A SHORT WORKWEEK.  I'm taking off Wednesday so that means only 1 day before my mini vacay starts! 

Thanksgiving plans are not nailed down yet but I've decided already that I'm NOT cooking the entire feast like I did last year (even though my first Turkey was spectacular).  It is a lot of work and I think I would prefer to concentrate my cooking efforts this year on appetizers and desserts; Leaving me time to relax and enjoy my time at home with a glass of wine and a pug in my lap.  That being said, I'm going to pick up some goodies from Bolsa Mercado over in the Bishop Arts District:  Roasted All Natural Amish Turkey and Gravy with Sausage, Fennel and Apple Dressing.  I'm also getting the Cranberry & Port Chutney.  My dad HAS to have a cranberry sauce with his turkey or he will refuse to eat it.  Seriously, he wouldn't eat Christmas dinner a couple of years ago because he someone forgot to buy cranberry sauce.  He put his plate in the sink and went into the living room to sulk rather than spend time with everyone else at the dinner table.  I'm not risking that mood again!

I sincerely hope that everyone has a safe, relaxing, wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.

Gobble Gobble.

Remembering Mom

When this day rolls around every year, depending on where I'm at in my life, I have a different reaction.  I always think about my mom and continually miss her.  Even after all this time, some days are difficult (read: day before my wedding, when I had a little "I-want-my-mother" breakdown).  Other days, I feel like she's with me still.  Like when I think I've ruined something or messed up in some way, I hear her voice in my head.  When I was 8 or 9 we went to the store and somehow I spilled liquid laundry detergent all over myself and the floor.  It was a BIG mess and I felt terrible because I thought I had ruined my private school jumper and my mom's shopping trip.  She looked at me with my head down and tears in my eyes, smiled and said, "Its ok, Lesley.  Little girls can be washed".

Last night, I ran across the letter below and it gave me loads of comfort heading into this day.  I have always believed I would see my mom again. Until then, I like the thought she will be there waiting for me on the other side.

A letter written by Benjamin Franklin to his niece on the death of his brother February 23, 1756:

"I condole with you. We have lost a most dear and valuable relation. But it is the will of God and nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside when the soul is to enter into real life. This is rather an embryo state, a preparation for living. A man is not completely born until he is dead. Why then should we grieve that a new child is born among the immortals, a new member added to their happy society?

We are Spirits. That bodies should be lent us, while they can afford us pleasure, assist us in acquiring knowledge, or in doing good to our fellow creatures, is a kind and benevolent act of God. When they become unfit for these purposes, and afford us pain instead of pleasure, instead of aid become an encumbrance, and answer none of the intentions for which they were given, it is equally kind and benevolent that a way is provided by which we may rid of them. Death is that way.

We ourselves, in some cases, prudently choose a partial death. A mangled painful limb which cannot be restored, we willingly cut off. He who plucks out a tooth parts with it freely, since the pain goes with it; and he who quits the whole body, parts at once with all pains and possibilities of pain and diseases which it was liable to, or capable of making him suffer.

Our friend and we are invited abroad on a party of pleasure which is to last forever. His chair was ready first, and he is gone before us. We could not all conveniently start together; and why should you and I be grieved at this, since we are soon to follow, and know where to find him?"

Mom and I before one of my dance recitals - circa 1987

33

For my birthday on the 5th, I had this really ambitious plan to do 33 good deeds/random acts of kindness.   I would like to say it was my idea but I was actually inspired by another blogger who did it for her 34th birthday. With all the messed up stuff going on in the world, we all could use more kindness - both giving and receiving, no matter how big or small.  There were a couple of things I learned and a couple of problems I encountered.

First of all, when consulting http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/ I was disappointed to see ideas like "hold the door open for someone" and "clean up after yourself."  Seriously people, if you are not doing these things already something is wrong with you.  Maybe I was just raised with manners and some people weren't but if I didn't hold the door for someone or clean up after I made a mess I would be down right ashamed (and would have gotten a strict talking to by my parents).  Another one that got me was "Give affection to your loved ones."  What?  Really?  Maybe some people need to be reminded but that seems odd to me.  I do this all the time.  Its important to let people know how you feel.   I don't want you to be dissuaded from this website.  It has a lot of good ideas and implemented some of them.  All I'm saying is that I was surprised to see things I was raised to to on this list. 

Overall I was fairly successful in my mission until I was sidelined by a sudden illness I believe to be brought on by number 11.  No good deed goes unpunished!

Here's what I was able to accomplish on my birthday (remember, no kind act is too small):

1) Wished someone else a Happy Birthday

2) Wrote a thank you note to my postman (The postman wrote back a big THANKS!!! on the card.  This stuff works I'm telling you.)

3)  Paid for the starbucks order of the person behind me. (She yelled a thank you from her car.)

4)  Gave a donation to DFW Pug Rescue

5)  Shared some birthday cookies delivered to me with the work staff.

6)  Signed up for sparked.com - a micro volunteering website

7)  Signed up again this year to be an e-mentor for a DISD student (I was on the fence about it before)

8)  Gave a big tip to the sonic carhop when I got my drink today

9)  Stayed off my phone while driving (I think this counts because I made the roads a safer place, something I should do more often)

10) Gave up a front row parking spot to someone else.

11) Donated Blood (I have to give a shout out to the 23 year old girl who took my blood today and told me I did not look 33 at all.  She really made my day. I don't think she was faking her look of shock.  If so she should leave behind the blood drawing field and go into acting because I was convinced.)

12) Gave bottled water to a homeless person

13) Bought something from a co-worker to support her son's pewee football team. (I was on the verge of saying no to the $16 "gourmet" pizzas she was peddling but then I remembered I had to get to 33)

14) Emailed the girls at our process serving company a thank you note (some people over there are mistakenly "scared" of me)

15) Gave a friend some of my Green Tea Hawaii to try.  I drink this stuff everyday since I gave up soda 3 years ago.  I have a mission to get everyone off of soda!

16) Complimented a co-workers haircut

17) Nice to an Insurance Adjuster (This fell under the RAOK suggestion of "be nice to someone you dislike")

18) Complimented a stranger's shoes (They were actually cute)

19) Let my dad ride in the front seat to dinner so he could take advantage of the A/C seats in the new truck.

20)  Gave some free legal advice to a friend.

So I didn't quite make it to 33.  At dinner, I think my blood pressure dropped or something because I almost passed out and broke out into this cold sweat.  Probably because I was operating with minus a pint of blood (and OK I did have a skinny margarita and I don't think you're supposed to drink for like 24 hours after donating).  I'm fine now but had to go home and take it easy, thus putting an end to my mission.  I did give my dad a big hug and thank him for coming to have dinner with me.  I also took time to "like" or comment on the 90 something people that wished me a happy birthday on facebook - so maybe in some way that fills in the gap.   There's always next year...

Now stop reading and go do something nice for someone!

R.S.V.P.

These four letters are making me crazy right now so I decided to take out some of my frustrations by writing a post dedicated to educating us all on the importance of the R.S.V.P.   I'm not excluding myself from the group of offenders who have ignored the R.S.V.P.  I have been guilty as well.  Now, however, I have a new respect for the R.S.V.P. and its importance with regard to event planning - especially when there is a limited guest list and someone else could take the spot of a person who is unable to attend. 

A lot of people seem to think that you only need to R.S.V.P. to something if you plan on going.  WRONG!  R.S.V.P literally means "répondez, s'il vous plaît", which translates from French to "please reply."  There are situations where a host might say "R.S.V.P., Regrets Only."  If this is specifically written then the host is assuming all guests will attend unless you let the he/she know otherwise. 

For the love of God, Please Reply to your host!  There are details contingent on your response.  The host may have an alternate guest in mind if you are unable to attend.  If it is a seated dinner, the host could be spending anywhere from $40 - $150 a plate and must budget and work with the caterer to prepare plates according to attendance.  If it is a buffet, or cocktail reception, the host is still spending money per person and also must give the caterer an idea on how much food will be needed.  Seating arrangements also depend on responses if it is a formal sit down event.  Bottom line:  RESPONDING IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!

Etiquette rules followed in most Western cultures require that if you receive a formal, written invitation, you should reply promptly, perhaps that same day. The new Emily Post's Etiquette, Emily Post & Elizabeth L. Post, Funk & Wagnalls, 1975, tells us that "Anyone receiving an invitation with an R.S.V.P. on it is obliged to reply...." and some recent editions describe breaching this standard as "inexcusably rude."

HERE'S THE REAL DEAL:  it is a simple courtesy to respond to someone who was nice enough to invite you, even if it is to say that you regret that you will not be able to attend.  Just let them know, either way.

**Another little Etiquette tip:  Outer vs. Inner Envelopes

Outer envelopes are for the address, Inner envelopes indicate who is invited.

For example if your inner envelop says:  

"John" - only John is invited

"John and Guest" - then John is invited and has the option to bring a guest

"John and Jane" - John and Jane are invited - if they have kids then the kids are NOT invited

"John, Jane, Suzie and Billy" - John, Jane, Suzie and Billy are all invited (assume Suzie and Billy are the kids)

Most people hosting an event put a lot of consideration into the guest list. I suggest people not be offended if you weren't given the option to bring a guest or your children.  There could be budgetary reasons for not including unknown "plus ones" or children, depending on the event.  If you are offended that you can't bring your new girlfriend or kids with you, you can always take the high road and politely decline the invitation.  

Getting to know you...Getting to know all about you...

My dude has suddenly become concerned about whether or not we know every little thing about each other.  It has got me thinking as well.  Basically we are quizzing each other about our "favorite" things.  Its funny to see how, even after 10 years, there are things we don't know about each other.  Last nights conversation went something like this:

Me:  So I'm going to have my last meal on earth, 

what do you think it would be?

Jacob:  I'm going to say Lobster Bisque, 

a nice salad, 

and maybe a medium rare filet 

with asparagus.

Me:  What?!  No way.  I'd have 

chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes 

and mac and cheese.  

Jacob:  No.  You don't eat stuff like that. 

I've never seen you eat a 

chicken fried steak, ever.

Me:  Yes you have.  That one time at my 

dad's house.  I'm talking about my 

last meal EVER.  

Besides, who eats healthy for

their last meal?

Jacob:  Ok. Well what do you think

 I would have?

Me:  (laughing) A ranch sandwich?

Jacob:  (serious) Close. I'd have a 

nice salad with ranch, 

bone-in rib-eye, au gratin potatoes, 

and some vegetable of some sort.  

Basically, I'd go to Pappa's Bros. 

Steakhouse for my last meal.

Me:  I just don't understand 

why you are wasting your last 

meal with salad.  

Jacob:  Mmmm.  Salad with Ranch.

Nice.

Today the conversation continued with the following texts:

Me:  You know my favorite candy?

Jacob:  Sour Punch

What's mine?

Me:  You always get Reese's Pieces 

at the movies.  Or M&Ms

Jacob:  Wrong.  All.

Me:  All candys are your favorite?

Jacob:  Yup.

Me:  Mmmk.  I should have known.

So at this point, I've decided we know each other well enough.  I'm sure we will figure out the rest over the next 50 years.

Random Acts of Kindness Week

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've been thinking about this topic a lot.  I recently started following another Lesley's Blog wherein she discussed this very thing.  (Thanks for the inspiration, Lesley!)  A friend of hers decided to do random acts of kindness to celebrate her birthday - one act of kindness for every year of her life.  I loved the idea.   I am reminded of this again when I saw on Twitter today that this is Random Acts of Kindness Week (Feb 13 - 19). 

At a time when its easy for me to be caught up in all my own business, I want to challenge myself to work on at least 5 random acts of kindness a day.  I truly believe kindness sends positive energy out into the universe and is good for the soul.

To challenge yourself and get ideas, visit:

http://www.randomactsofkindness.org/