Why I spent a small fortune on an old dog.

My pug, Cactus Jack, will turn 15 in May (God willing). Sadly, He recently had a bout of eye problems that necessitated the removal of the eye (the mal ojo as I like to call it). I was heartbroken it came to this and, although it makes me sad to look at him, he and I slowly seem to be getting used to it.  I'm currently looking for an eye patch for him which I think will make him look a lot cooler.

When I told my dad the cost to have the eye removed (after I had already spent money trying to medicate it and save the eye) he said:  "I think you need to put the dog down."  My immediate response was: Why?  He's fine otherwise.  My dad said:  "He's not fine.  He's old."  Miffed, I responded that my dad was old as well but no one was talking about putting him down.  Why would he even suggest such a thing?

So I made the choice to spend the money on this dog (despite our current need for a termite treatment and foundation repair, not to mention the impending arrival of our second child - all which need significant funds).  Why?  Does it make the dog love me more?  Does he know or understand the choice?  Will he be a better dog and stop marking his territory in the house or not growl at the other dogs when they come near his food?   No.  No, he'll continue to be the same dog he has been, minus an eye.  

He'll continue to drive my husband crazy with his whining to be let inside not 5 minutes after we've let him out.  He'll continue to spend most of the day sleeping and snoring.  He'll continue to snub his food unless we put wet food in the bowl, after which, he'll gobble it down.  He'll continue to sleep in bed with us, on my husband's side.  He'll continue to wag his tail when we come home and get excited when I put a leash on him (even though he can't make it very far for a walk.) In other words, he will continue his life as usual. 

The consideration for his quality of life was foremost in my mind but ultimately, that's not why I did it.  I did it because he is family. He has been my family for close to 15 years.  He has been with me through heartbreaks and celebrations.  We have cuddled together during freak cold front during a camping trip and splashed in the river during the summer heat.  We've moved from many apartments and traveled the roads of I-35 on several long hauls.  We have buried his sister/litter mate together.  We've dealt with a lot, he and I.  He deserves, at the very least, to be taken care of to the best of my abilities.  That's the promise I made to him when I became his owner.  

Believe me, I haven't always held up my end of the bargain.  There are many times I worked longer hours or spent time out when he could have used my attention.   He wasn't ever mad at me about my failings.  I forever had another chance to do better.  He was just happy to be with me which says a lot.  Not even my husband is happy to be with me all the time.  

I love this old dog - this old dog I still consider to be my baby.  Given the choice over and over again, I would never choose differently.  Its only money.  Its not like I'll stop working and I certainly can't take it with me when I go.  

I would have 1000 regrets about ending his life too soon.  He will go one day, sooner rather than later, and I hope God sees it fit to be a quick, painless passing for both of us.  But (to quote Gladiator), not yet...not yet. 

Cactus Jack, the one-eyed pug.

My Marriage is Not Perfect...

In today's social media world everyone is constantly posting, tweeting, talking about how wonderful their lives are and how they've found the perfect spouse and/or relationship.  We only see the good side of so many things it can make use feel like less because our lives don't measure up.

In real life marriage is tough.  In real life its hard.  Life is hard period.  Today was a prime example.

My pug of 15 years has an ulcer on his eye.  Its bad and I'm heartbroken about it because I feel like I should have done more to catch it earlier.  Its harder to pay attention to him now that I am a married, working mom with a 17 month old and a baby on the way.  I feel like a bad dog owner and like I've been less of a friend to my faithful companion simply because of my lack of time or increasingly distracting lifestyle.  The truth is, at 15, he doesn't demand much.  Food, water, a bed to sleep in and a little bit of petting and he's fairly content.

What makes it all the worse is that my husband hates this dog.  Mainly because, at 15, he can't control his bladder.  If he lets you know he needs to go out, you can't make him wait.  He really just doesn't wait and my husband hates him for it.  I have to contstantly hear him say things like:

"I hate that dog."
"Why don't you just go get the .22 and put him out of his misery?"
"Let's open the door and just let him run off."

He thinks he's being funny.  He says a lot of terrible things in the name of "just joking around."  He's kind of a dick.  I knew this about him when I married him.  I made the choice.   There were other guys I dated, who were nicer, more caring, more concerned about what was going on with me and my well being.  That is not who I chose. 

The thing about guys that are dicks is that they are also exhausting.  I am worn out from dealing with him.  When I asked him why I always come last behind everyone and everything else he said "its because you're a wife and a mommy." --  Like it is completely normal for everything I need to go on the back burner.  Should that really be the case?

Listen - I'm grateful for my family.  I am blessed to have a healthy son and a healthy pregnancy.  There are times when my husband does something good or helpful and I do appreciate those things but the balance is way off.  I believe women are the workhorses.  We are the obligers.  We are the root of the support system.  It is a great privilege to have this role and yet it is a tough job.  The hardest job I've ever had.  What I want to know is:   While we are holding our family together, who holds us together?   While we are taking care of everything and everyone, who takes care of us?  Too often it is not our partner.  I don't think I'm alone in feeling like the support is one sided.

I'm sure my husband would have his own version of the story and today's events.  Maybe neither one of us is a really a reliable narrator for the story of this imperfect marriage.  Since he's in bed snoring while I'm up for the night giving the dog eye drops every hour, then my version is the only one out there.  Just a real honest post about how, today, I don't think my husband is that great or that our marriage is the best ever.  Today it, and he, kind of sucked and I wasn't happy about it.  So for everyone else out there who had a shitty day with a not-so-great partner - know that you are not alone, you are not less and you are not lacking.  My marriage is not perfect.    

Happy New Year 2016!

Well it is 12:19 and I am still awake.  Ok actually I fell asleep on the couch around 10:00 and my husband woke me up about 11:30 to ring in the new year.  I blame the baby growing in my belly and my crazy toddler for zapping all my energy.  Kids take a lot of work.

I used to put a lot of effort into figuring out my NYE plans.  In my younger days, I spent plenty of time dressed up, out and about, fighting crowds and taking shots.  Those days were great but long behind me now.  Surprisingly, I find myself (like many) more content with this stage of my life than any other. 

My hope is that all of you are just as content and looking forward to this New Year.  I hope you are present for your friends and family and continue to develop your relationships and happiness.  Happiness is at the center of it all and its in the moment here and now - not a far off distant goal to be reached after you've obtained a better job, lost weight or accomplished some other task.  Be happy first and success will flow. 

My only resolution this year is to read more.  I have tons of books sitting around that I've yet to get to.  Here's to further educating myself in 2016.  Hope you all have a good one!

International Travel Tips from Yours Truly...

Having been overseas several times in the past few years, I have accumulated a wealth of knowledge regarding international travel which I will now share with you, dear readers.  I am doing this because after having a baby, it seems like my travel days are long gone (at least until he gets a bit older).  Hopefully Greece will still be around by then because I'd love to go back.  I'd love to see Italy again too...and France...**le sigh**

1)  Making a list will help with packing.  It really will.  If I don't make a list I just start throwing in random shirts and bottoms that don't necessarily go together.  This causes me to over pack.  I usually over pack anyway but if I really sit down and think about what I'll be doing and what kind of outfits I need to do those activities, then I can tone it down a bit.  Regardless I always throw in some random sequin shirt because, hey, you never know when something will turn into that type of party.

2) Call your bank before you leave to let them know you'll be using your cards overseas.  Believe me, the last thing you want is your bank freaking out over some international charges and shutting down your card.  They do not have a Chase or Bank of America around so you can clear things up.  You have to spend time/money calling the US to get it figured out.

3) Invest in some International minutes/text/data for your cell phone.  AT&T offers a world traveler plan you can add while you're away for calls.  I always get texts while I'm abroad.  Believe me, you don't want to pay the roaming prices on this stuff. Some plans will cancel automatically.  I think last time when I went to Los Cabos, I bought a 30 day plan.  If it doesn't cancel automatically, don't forget to cancel all that when you come home!

4) Watch out for pick pockets.  They won't be the person you think.  While in Barcelona, I had a friend get his wallet lifted by a harmless looking guy who seemed to be celebrating Spain's recent soccer win.  It was only after the cheering died down he realized his wallet was gone.   A good friend of mine also had her wallet stolen while traveling, ALONE, in Italy.  Make copies of every card and ID you take with you and leave it with someone in the US that you trust - then if you need to cancel everything, you can call that person and have them help you rather than calling all over or trying to remember what you had off the top of your head.  (This is also where #3 comes in handy - you'll be spending a lot of time on the phone so you'll be thankful for that international phone plan.)

5) Check and RE-Check your boarding passes and flight times.  There is nothing worse than arriving at the airport and realizing something is wrong with your ticket.  I learned this the hard way on our last trip.  My son was ticketed under the wrong name and when we got to the airport it was a nightmare to fix it.  We ended up getting to our resort at 11:30 pm instead of 1:00 pm and missed the whole day.  Luckily the resort was so wonderful and accommodating, it made up for this disaster.  Please take my advice and MAKE SURE everything is correct before you leave.

6) Did you know some countries require that your passport be valid 6 months AFTER you leave their country?  If your passport is close to the expiration date, go ahead and get it renewed.  Check the date and get it done.  They won't let you go on your trip if its close to the expiration date - even if it is still valid currently.  Don't take the risk.

7) Don't just take pictures of all the typical sights.  I mean of course take a picture of the Colosseum when in Rome - just don't forget to take pictures of the everyday things as well or favorite restaurants you enjoyed.  That being said - don't spend the whole time on your phone either.  The point is to experience it, not "selfie" it.

That's it!  I'll have to live vicariously through everyone else who's traveling since I won't be going anywhere with my toddler for a while.  Enjoy your travels!