Performing again for the first time, in a long time...

I performed in this year's Bar None Production, "Alice in BarNoneLand:  25 years through the looking glass".  Its a show put on by Attorneys, Judges and other folks in the legal community.  The purpose is to raise money for the Sarah T. Hughes Scholarship at SMU's Dedman School of Law.  

 More about the show and scholarship can be found here: http://www.barnoneshow.com/hughes_scholarship.htm 

Two of the women involved, the show's director and choreographer, have been working on this show for 25 years.  Its a testament to their commitment to the scholarship and their patience in dealing with some of the egos involved.  (Hey, we're lawyers - we have to be a little egotistical to do what we do!)

For me, however, my ego in the performing arts had waned.  No longer confident in my skills as a singer, I stopped performing completely unless I had liquid courage and was in the mood to rap some Vanilla Ice, "Ice Ice Baby", at Karaoke.  Its always easier to be the goofball than to put any genuine effort or skill behind something.  

So that is what my years of training had been reduced to - rapping in some smoky bar at Karaoke.  I can imagine the look of disgust on my voice teacher's face if he knew that's where our work had gone.  Week after week, I went to The Voice Studio in New York City, spending every cent of my savings, and had THE BEST training by a voice coach I've ever received.  I worked harder than I had ever worked before and was better than I had ever been. Unlike female coaches, he didn't want to be my friend.  He wanted me to work, to sing, to expand my range, and to become better than whatever natural talent I brought to the table.  And it worked.  

But once the money ran out, and family obligations loomed, I returned to Texas and singing went to the back burner.  I don't know why exactly.  I'm sure it was a number of reasons.  I always told myself I would go audition for some local show - but then I never did.  As the time between performances increased, my confidence decreased.  So much to the point that when I went to the Bar None audition, my voice was shaking.  It reminded me of the first time I had ever sung in public.  I was terrified about what other people thought of me and my voice and all my training went out the window.

But slowly, by rehearsing week after week, I felt my voice come back and my fear melt away.  I got to know members of the cast and began to feel more comfortable around them.  One day it all clicked and my voice was back, clear and strong, with no fear or worries about judgment from others.  As people in the cast voiced positive feedback, part of my confidence returned.  

I told myself "Yes, I can do this".  I started to believe again.  

When my dad came to the show he told me afterward, "I wish you would do more performing, you seem to enjoy it so much."

Its because I do.  And for the first time, in a long time, I  felt like myself again.  Thank you Bar None.