These four letters are making me crazy right now so I decided to take out some of my frustrations by writing a post dedicated to educating us all on the importance of the R.S.V.P. I'm not excluding myself from the group of offenders who have ignored the R.S.V.P. I have been guilty as well. Now, however, I have a new respect for the R.S.V.P. and its importance with regard to event planning - especially when there is a limited guest list and someone else could take the spot of a person who is unable to attend.
A lot of people seem to think that you only need to R.S.V.P. to something if you plan on going. WRONG! R.S.V.P literally means "répondez, s'il vous plaît", which translates from French to "please reply." There are situations where a host might say "R.S.V.P., Regrets Only." If this is specifically written then the host is assuming all guests will attend unless you let the he/she know otherwise.
For the love of God, Please Reply to your host! There are details contingent on your response. The host may have an alternate guest in mind if you are unable to attend. If it is a seated dinner, the host could be spending anywhere from $40 - $150 a plate and must budget and work with the caterer to prepare plates according to attendance. If it is a buffet, or cocktail reception, the host is still spending money per person and also must give the caterer an idea on how much food will be needed. Seating arrangements also depend on responses if it is a formal sit down event. Bottom line: RESPONDING IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!
Etiquette rules followed in most Western cultures require that if you receive a formal, written invitation, you should reply promptly, perhaps that same day. The new Emily Post's Etiquette, Emily Post & Elizabeth L. Post, Funk & Wagnalls, 1975, tells us that "Anyone receiving an invitation with an R.S.V.P. on it is obliged to reply...." and some recent editions describe breaching this standard as "inexcusably rude."
HERE'S THE REAL DEAL: it is a simple courtesy to respond to someone who was nice enough to invite you, even if it is to say that you regret that you will not be able to attend. Just let them know, either way.
**Another little Etiquette tip: Outer vs. Inner Envelopes
Outer envelopes are for the address, Inner envelopes indicate who is invited.
For example if your inner envelop says:
"John" - only John is invited
"John and Guest" - then John is invited and has the option to bring a guest
"John and Jane" - John and Jane are invited - if they have kids then the kids are NOT invited
"John, Jane, Suzie and Billy" - John, Jane, Suzie and Billy are all invited (assume Suzie and Billy are the kids)
Most people hosting an event put a lot of consideration into the guest list. I suggest people not be offended if you weren't given the option to bring a guest or your children. There could be budgetary reasons for not including unknown "plus ones" or children, depending on the event. If you are offended that you can't bring your new girlfriend or kids with you, you can always take the high road and politely decline the invitation.
