In today's social media world everyone is constantly posting, tweeting, talking about how wonderful their lives are and how they've found the perfect spouse and/or relationship. We only see the good side of so many things it can make use feel like less because our lives don't measure up.
In real life marriage is tough. In real life its hard. Life is hard period. Today was a prime example.
My pug of 15 years has an ulcer on his eye. Its bad and I'm heartbroken about it because I feel like I should have done more to catch it earlier. Its harder to pay attention to him now that I am a married, working mom with a 17 month old and a baby on the way. I feel like a bad dog owner and like I've been less of a friend to my faithful companion simply because of my lack of time or increasingly distracting lifestyle. The truth is, at 15, he doesn't demand much. Food, water, a bed to sleep in and a little bit of petting and he's fairly content.
What makes it all the worse is that my husband hates this dog. Mainly because, at 15, he can't control his bladder. If he lets you know he needs to go out, you can't make him wait. He really just doesn't wait and my husband hates him for it. I have to contstantly hear him say things like:
"I hate that dog."
"Why don't you just go get the .22 and put him out of his misery?"
"Let's open the door and just let him run off."
He thinks he's being funny. He says a lot of terrible things in the name of "just joking around." He's kind of a dick. I knew this about him when I married him. I made the choice. There were other guys I dated, who were nicer, more caring, more concerned about what was going on with me and my well being. That is not who I chose.
The thing about guys that are dicks is that they are also exhausting. I am worn out from dealing with him. When I asked him why I always come last behind everyone and everything else he said "its because you're a wife and a mommy." -- Like it is completely normal for everything I need to go on the back burner. Should that really be the case?
Listen - I'm grateful for my family. I am blessed to have a healthy son and a healthy pregnancy. There are times when my husband does something good or helpful and I do appreciate those things but the balance is way off. I believe women are the workhorses. We are the obligers. We are the root of the support system. It is a great privilege to have this role and yet it is a tough job. The hardest job I've ever had. What I want to know is: While we are holding our family together, who holds us together? While we are taking care of everything and everyone, who takes care of us? Too often it is not our partner. I don't think I'm alone in feeling like the support is one sided.
I'm sure my husband would have his own version of the story and today's events. Maybe neither one of us is a really a reliable narrator for the story of this imperfect marriage. Since he's in bed snoring while I'm up for the night giving the dog eye drops every hour, then my version is the only one out there. Just a real honest post about how, today, I don't think my husband is that great or that our marriage is the best ever. Today it, and he, kind of sucked and I wasn't happy about it. So for everyone else out there who had a shitty day with a not-so-great partner - know that you are not alone, you are not less and you are not lacking. My marriage is not perfect.
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