Self Torture

Why did I decide to quit drinking at one of the most stressful times in my life?  This is the question I keep asking myself.  You could say I like a good challenge.  Or you could say I'm a glutton for punishment.  Either works. 

I started the Tracy Anderson 30 day method 10 days ago.  I stopped drinking to do the method.  In fact, all I'm drinking is water.  No caffeine, no alcohol...just plain ol' h20.  The first two days I thought my head was going to explode from the massive headache I had.  But it went away.  Last Saturday I wanted to drink in a bad way but talked myself out of it.  The Conversation in my head went something like this:

Devil:  Just one glass of wine won't hurt.  You've been so good all week.
Angel: No.  You made a commitment to 30 days - no alcohol.
Devil:  Meh...its been, like, 8 days already.  One drink won't hurt. 
Angel: There are a lot of other things to do besides drink.
Devil: Anything you want to do would be so much better with a glass of wine.
Angel: Wine is just extra calories. You don't want extra calories do you?
Devil: Ok, scrap the wine and have some vodka. 
Angel: Vodka is just as bad. 
Devil: Vodka is practically like drinking water.  Its clear.
Angel: Vodka is NOT like water and you know it!

Long story short, the Angel on my shoulder won.  Mainly because I couldn't fathom doing my 2 hour workout hungover.

The Tracy Anderson Method is good.  I like the work outs.  The most challenging thing is the food.  You have to prepare EVERYTHING from scratch.  I have probably eaten more fresh fruit and fish in the last 10 days than I did all last year.  This diet is not for the poor either.  I think they know me by first name at whole foods. My former drinking money is now going to purchase things like leeks, beets, shallots, cod, salmon, etc...

My friend had a birthday Tuesday so I stopped off to get her some Sprinkles cupcakes. (further evidence that I am into self torture)  It crossed my mind to eat the whole box as I drove to work but I restrained myself.  To make it worse I didn't go out to celebrate with her because I'm not drinking.  I thought to myself, this is the worst, most terrible idea I have ever come up with.  On Tuesday, I dreamt about cupcakes and vodka (in no particular order).

On top of all of this, I'm trying to buy a house before the end of the year and keep my job from spinning out of control.  Just pile it on...

But now its Thursday...and the two week mark is in sight.  I have a feeling if I can make it to Sunday I will have won the battle for the most part.  I'm tired but I feel like my body is getting a much needed break from my bad habits.  I woke up yesterday morning and my liver had written me a thank you note.  Ok not really but I feel like it would if it could.

Housewarming party

I decided to help my friend throw her housewarming party and I may have gotten in over my head.  (just a little)  For some reason I tend to think of myself as a full-on caterer/florist/event planner.  In less than 12 hours I will hopefully have prepared the following menu:

Caprease Skewers
Hummus & Crudites
BLT Bleu Cheese Lettuce Cups
Mustard and Ginger cocktail sausages
Shrimp with Ginger sauce
Chedder and cranberry Cheese Ball
Garlicky Beef Crostini with Horseradish Dill Sauce
Chicken Chutney Salad on Lettuce Leaves
Pancetta Crisps with Goat Cheese and Pear

So I guess we'll see how this goes.   I need to get my ass to the farmers market.  Like now.

Why I love GOOP

After watching her on TV one night, I subscribed to Gwyneth Paltrow's newsletter from http://www.goop.com/.  At first I was a bit wary. What would a mega star have to say that would be of any importance to the average person?  But its actually quite good.

What I find refreshing is that all of her information is just that - information.  She discusses the things she likes - favorite food blogs is the latest topic, but there is everything from fitness to travel and fashion.  When I went to Barcelona, I checked out some of her suggestions on where to eat the best tapas.  Thanks to her posts on fashion I am now a fan of Topshop.  And because she sent a free video, I am starting Tracy Anderson's 30 Day Method a week from today. 

She shares her experiences and her thoughts without delving too deeply or trying too hard (and really, why would she have to?)  

In short, check it out.  Regardless of whether you become a loyal follower (such as myself) or an occasional reader, GOOP won't steer you wrong. 

Today Sucks

There is really no other way to put it. It's so much more than "just one of those days." Everyone has bad days. I do and normally I try to shrug them off. But I don't like being bitched at when I work hard. Today I realized that I would really, really like to do something I love instead of just a job. I get really focused on paying for/buying this or that, when, in the long run, stuff is not what matters. I used to say the last thing I wanted was to be stuck behind a desk for 10 hours a day. Yet here I am. Stuck.

I know these are hard times. I know I'm very lucky to be among the employed. I am thankful that I am not struggling. But I'm frustrated. And there doesn't seem to be a clear answer in sight.