Waiting for a haircut...

Older grumpy lady next to me: I'm surprised they don't have a wheelchair here.

Me: oh yeah? In a salon?

Older grumpy lady: That washroom is far. I just had surgery 3 days ago. They probably don't want a bunch of handicap people in here.

Me: They probably think if you need a wheelchair, you would provide your own. There are wheelchair ramps outside after all. Besides, it's not like this place is Wal-mart.

Old Grump: I've been coming here a long time. I'm going to write a letter about this.

Me: Sounds good. I've been waiting a while, could you include that in your letter?


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State Fair Chili Cook-off Part 2: Test Run

Well I got home later than I wanted last night so I decided to save the test run for today. Its best to start off the day with a good breakfast. Check out this little skillet I bought:




Isn't it cute? It holds one egg perfectly. I almost burned my egg taking this pic actually. The smoke alarm went off. Not a good omen.

Now to test out the costume I bought for Beans MF.



He obviously loves it! My little fat pumpkin!

Ok, NOW its time to break out the camp stove. The instructions seem overly complicated.



I'm going to steal a play from the Tao of Curtis and just figure it out as I go.

I spilled fuel everywhere as I filled up the tank. Luckily I have the hose close by to clean up my mess before I catch the house on fire. I figure maybe I should read the instructions after all so I give them a quick scan. Good thing too because I wouldn't have figured it out on my own.





Im ready to light it up!

12 tries later, I think I have fire but I can't see it so it's time to consult the google.

Google says this stove is basically like a Bunsen burner so I should have a low blue flame. Hm. Not exactly what i had going on. Enough with the stove for now. Time to chop some shit.

Here's my ingredients:





I get the stove going after only 1 try and the onions are in the pot! Time to add some meat.




Meat + a few dozen ingredients later and i have this simmering on the camp stove:



So far so good!! Now to let it cook for a bit... Is it too early for a beer? I think not!

After letting it simmer for 30 minutes, it's good but definitely needs more heat. I add some more chili powder, red pepper, paprika, and cayenne. Here is the final recipe (I think):





And here's the final product:






Now to work on the team shirts! State Fair Chili Cook Off, here we come!

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State Fair Chili Cook-off Part 1: Preparation

I've decided to compete in this years chili cook off! Very exciting!

I head to Wal-Mart to get some items for Sunday's event. Namely, fuel for my Coleman pump stove (on loan from one of my assistants, Pablo).

I'm on a mission for fuel but I'm immediately distracted by Halloween items. Ooooh! Dog Costumes. I need a costume for Beans MF anyway.



I liked the hot dog but its too obvious so I went with the pumpkin. He's going to love it!

Ok so fuel. Camping supplies here I come. Uh oh. Kitchen Gadget aisle is distracting me. I think I need something on this aisle to help with the chili.



I grab a measuring cup/spoon set that is only .88 cents! Ok now on to sporting goods.

Oh wait! I want this vacuum:





But not today because it's $500.

Luckily the lady just announced something about sporting goods on the intercom so I'm reminded of my fuel. Here's the stove I'm using:




But I don't see any fuel!!! Ugh!!!

Ok so I located the fuel. It was conveniently next to the stove.





Yes I just had a blonde moment. I thought that thing on the front of the stove was what the fuel came in but turns out that's just the tank. I'm dumb. :(

Ok so how long does one gallon of fuel last? Hm. I better get two since I'm doing a test run on my chili recipe tonight.

I have to make a quick call to see if I have a folding table at home. I really want to buy this Coleman pop up kitchen but it's $42.00. Hm. I'll pass this time. But if I win then I'm coming back to get it.

Now I need team shirts. I like purple so that's the one I pick. I've been here over an hour and haven't gotten food yet. I need mascara. I've been wanting to try the new one JLo has been advertising but I can't remember the name so I get my trusty lash blast**







Ok - Finally on to the groceries! I really just need meat and a couple of spices I'm low on at home.

2 hours later here's my basket:




I'm forgetting something. I just know it. I'm tired too. And hungry. Time to go.

Check out was quick. Now I'm on my way home to fire up the stove and give it a test run! More to come!

**ladies, I have tried EVERY mascara out there - expensive and cheap. This one is the best, I swear.

The Elements of F*cking Style

Not too long ago, my half-brother belittled my blog and writing skills in general.  I actually considered his criticism for a brief moment and didn't think about it again until I ran across this little gem:

I immediately ordered it thinking that if my skills needed some improvement, this was the book to do it.  I have to say, it is pretty awesome so far.  How could I not like a book that advises me to:
"Use strong, definite language in your writing.  Make that sentence your bitch."   

It also gives examples of words that are commonly used in error, proper comma placement, semi-colons and hyphens. PLUS its MUCH more interesting than the original Elements of Style.  Strunk and White could put a corpse to sleep.  Apparently I am a moron because I thought you had to put a comma before you called someone Jr. or Sr.  The book literally says people who do this are idiots.  Guilty.

Expect better writing from here forward, people!

(SIDENOTE...Per this book, Its perfectly acceptable to refer to those who would belittle my blog and/or writing an: ass hole, ass-hole or asshole - although the latter is the preferred form.)