Far from home

Here I am...in a very interesting city, halfway across the globe and all I can think of is home.  I realized today that I am a homebody.  I really want my couch, my bed, my apartment.  I am perfectly happy in Dallas Texas going about my day to day life. 

From today - July 7th, 2010 to last year July 7th 2009 my life has changed dramatically.  This time last year I was set to marry someone in October.  That didn't happen. He is now married to someone else and I hope (sincerely) that he is very happy with her.  I, myself, was with someone different not long after the engagement broke off.  It was a brief but meaningful spark wherein I learned a lot about myself.  I was hoping for a great romance.  It wasn't there.

What I have realized is that here are some people for which you should risk everything.  It took me a long, long time to realize this fact.  After losing my mother I never wanted to let anyone have my heart or feelings in a way that could every hurt me so badly.  But living that way is no way to live. 

There are some people that won't give up on you.  No matter how much you push them away, no matter how much you hurt them or they hurt you...there is that person out there who doesn't give up because their love for you is so great.  And because that love is so great you can find your way through all the bad times to a much better place...to a place where there is only love. 

What I always wanted was to be with the person who couldn't stand to be without me.  Because it would mean that it was ME he wanted to be with, not just some girl who fit the bill.  And finally, finally, finally, he's there - after 10 years of trial and tribulation - we have made it through all the BS...and I'm glad we both realized it before it was too late.

To the one who never gave up on me - and who felt as lonely without me as I did without him:  I love you.  And thanks for making our moments together funny and special.  You make me laugh and that's my favorite thing to do...

Performing again for the first time, in a long time...

I performed in this year's Bar None Production, "Alice in BarNoneLand:  25 years through the looking glass".  Its a show put on by Attorneys, Judges and other folks in the legal community.  The purpose is to raise money for the Sarah T. Hughes Scholarship at SMU's Dedman School of Law.  

 More about the show and scholarship can be found here: http://www.barnoneshow.com/hughes_scholarship.htm 

Two of the women involved, the show's director and choreographer, have been working on this show for 25 years.  Its a testament to their commitment to the scholarship and their patience in dealing with some of the egos involved.  (Hey, we're lawyers - we have to be a little egotistical to do what we do!)

For me, however, my ego in the performing arts had waned.  No longer confident in my skills as a singer, I stopped performing completely unless I had liquid courage and was in the mood to rap some Vanilla Ice, "Ice Ice Baby", at Karaoke.  Its always easier to be the goofball than to put any genuine effort or skill behind something.  

So that is what my years of training had been reduced to - rapping in some smoky bar at Karaoke.  I can imagine the look of disgust on my voice teacher's face if he knew that's where our work had gone.  Week after week, I went to The Voice Studio in New York City, spending every cent of my savings, and had THE BEST training by a voice coach I've ever received.  I worked harder than I had ever worked before and was better than I had ever been. Unlike female coaches, he didn't want to be my friend.  He wanted me to work, to sing, to expand my range, and to become better than whatever natural talent I brought to the table.  And it worked.  

But once the money ran out, and family obligations loomed, I returned to Texas and singing went to the back burner.  I don't know why exactly.  I'm sure it was a number of reasons.  I always told myself I would go audition for some local show - but then I never did.  As the time between performances increased, my confidence decreased.  So much to the point that when I went to the Bar None audition, my voice was shaking.  It reminded me of the first time I had ever sung in public.  I was terrified about what other people thought of me and my voice and all my training went out the window.

But slowly, by rehearsing week after week, I felt my voice come back and my fear melt away.  I got to know members of the cast and began to feel more comfortable around them.  One day it all clicked and my voice was back, clear and strong, with no fear or worries about judgment from others.  As people in the cast voiced positive feedback, part of my confidence returned.  

I told myself "Yes, I can do this".  I started to believe again.  

When my dad came to the show he told me afterward, "I wish you would do more performing, you seem to enjoy it so much."

Its because I do.  And for the first time, in a long time, I  felt like myself again.  Thank you Bar None.

Why I care about American Diabetes Association Alert Day

Tomorrow, Tuesday, March 23rd, is American Diabetes Association Alert Day. If you go to the Stop Diabetes site you will learn all kinds of interesting things like the fact that 1 in 5 Americans is at risk for type 2 diabetes and that nearly 6 Million people have Diabetes and don't even know it.  So most likely you or someone you know has diabetes as this disease becomes more and more common.

For me it hit close to home.  My mother was diagnosed with diabetes not long after I was born and it claimed her life when I was 10 years old.  She was 39 - only nine years older than I am now.  Although I was very young at the time I remember the difficulty my mother had coping with the lifestyle changes that come with being a diabetic.  She was always a naturally thin person, so diet restrictions were not a previous concern.  I now know that she went through depression as a result of being diagnosed.  From my research, this is a common occurrence.  Her defiance towards diabetes, combined with failure to properly regulate her diet and insulin intake is what caused the diabetic coma and ultimately her death.

I tell this story because I want people that have, or know someone that has diabetes, to take it seriously.  Losing someone to this disease is life-changing.  I still miss my mom every day.

It is my hope that we can stop diabetes so that no child has to lose a parent to diabetes ever again.  You can visit http://www.diabetes.org/ for education on Type 1, Type 2 and Gestational Diabetes.  The site includes prevention information, a way to donate  and recipes.  You can also take a Risk Test to determine if you are pre-diabetes or type 2. Of course you should  also visit your doctor for regular check ups and he/she will be able to test your blood glucose.  

I hope that everyone will take a minute to read the information provided by the American Diabetes Association and think about making positive changes in your lifestyle to help lower your risk of being diagnosed with diabetes.  Do it for yourself and your loved ones.

• Pictured above is my Grandmother, on the left and my mom, Nina, on the right.  And yes, that blond, chubby baby is me.  Go ahead and have yourself a good laugh.  :)

Cowtown 10K Completed! Now the "Run to Joes..."

So last Saturday was the Cowtown 10K.  You would not believe the way my body protested at 5:00 am when I got up to get ready and head to Funky Town.  I made it there early enough to pick up a friend's downtown parking pass - most definitely the bright spot of the day was being able to park very close to all the activities.   It was freezing and I tried to warm up a bit but I really just wanted to get the damn thing over with as soon as possible. 

As we lined up at the starting line, I saw a mix of people.  Serious runners lined up at the front.  You know..the ones who are actually trying to win the race.  I headed towards the middle/rear since I knew I couldn't keep up with the people keeping pace at a 5 minute mile.  The gun went off, I started my ipod and away we went...

For the most part it was a nice jog.  The sun came out and warmed everything up to a nice temp.  It turned out to be a beautiful day.  I ran for the most part, only allowing myself to slow to a walk at the water stations.  I was hurting towards the end but I didn't want to stop because, again, I just wanted it to be over.  Finishing was not exhilirating but I was happy and felt accomplished.  I did realize a few things from this run:

1.  There is no way I will ever "win" a 10K, ever.  I am not built for fast pace running.  I can go the distance but not with speed.

2.  I do not want to run more than a 10K, ever.  I know people dig the half and full marathons but the 6.213 miles is enough for me thankyouverymuch.

3.  My running playlist is not just for fun, it is a necessity.  Here's what I run to:

• Ain't no rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant
• Mama Do - Pixie Lott
• Replay - lyaz
• Rehab - Amy Winehouse
• Just Dance - Lady Gaga
• In Love With A Girl - Gavin DeGraw
• How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty
• Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
• Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
• Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
• Driving Me Mad - Neil Finn
• Buster Voodoo - Rodrigo y Gabriela
• Kerosene - Miranda Lambert

4.  I want to do better in the next 10K.  I ran this one in aprox 1 hour, 10 min.  I finished with about 800 people behind me and 2000 ahead of me.  I know I can do better than that.  I'm glad I wasn't last though.  Not that there is anything wrong with being last because, hey, at least you finished.

So...next up:  10K "Run to Joe's" - http://www.samaritanhouse.org/runtojoes/index.asp