Performing again for the first time, in a long time...

I performed in this year's Bar None Production, "Alice in BarNoneLand:  25 years through the looking glass".  Its a show put on by Attorneys, Judges and other folks in the legal community.  The purpose is to raise money for the Sarah T. Hughes Scholarship at SMU's Dedman School of Law.  

 More about the show and scholarship can be found here: http://www.barnoneshow.com/hughes_scholarship.htm 

Two of the women involved, the show's director and choreographer, have been working on this show for 25 years.  Its a testament to their commitment to the scholarship and their patience in dealing with some of the egos involved.  (Hey, we're lawyers - we have to be a little egotistical to do what we do!)

For me, however, my ego in the performing arts had waned.  No longer confident in my skills as a singer, I stopped performing completely unless I had liquid courage and was in the mood to rap some Vanilla Ice, "Ice Ice Baby", at Karaoke.  Its always easier to be the goofball than to put any genuine effort or skill behind something.  

So that is what my years of training had been reduced to - rapping in some smoky bar at Karaoke.  I can imagine the look of disgust on my voice teacher's face if he knew that's where our work had gone.  Week after week, I went to The Voice Studio in New York City, spending every cent of my savings, and had THE BEST training by a voice coach I've ever received.  I worked harder than I had ever worked before and was better than I had ever been. Unlike female coaches, he didn't want to be my friend.  He wanted me to work, to sing, to expand my range, and to become better than whatever natural talent I brought to the table.  And it worked.  

But once the money ran out, and family obligations loomed, I returned to Texas and singing went to the back burner.  I don't know why exactly.  I'm sure it was a number of reasons.  I always told myself I would go audition for some local show - but then I never did.  As the time between performances increased, my confidence decreased.  So much to the point that when I went to the Bar None audition, my voice was shaking.  It reminded me of the first time I had ever sung in public.  I was terrified about what other people thought of me and my voice and all my training went out the window.

But slowly, by rehearsing week after week, I felt my voice come back and my fear melt away.  I got to know members of the cast and began to feel more comfortable around them.  One day it all clicked and my voice was back, clear and strong, with no fear or worries about judgment from others.  As people in the cast voiced positive feedback, part of my confidence returned.  

I told myself "Yes, I can do this".  I started to believe again.  

When my dad came to the show he told me afterward, "I wish you would do more performing, you seem to enjoy it so much."

Its because I do.  And for the first time, in a long time, I  felt like myself again.  Thank you Bar None.

Why I care about American Diabetes Association Alert Day

Tomorrow, Tuesday, March 23rd, is American Diabetes Association Alert Day. If you go to the Stop Diabetes site you will learn all kinds of interesting things like the fact that 1 in 5 Americans is at risk for type 2 diabetes and that nearly 6 Million people have Diabetes and don't even know it.  So most likely you or someone you know has diabetes as this disease becomes more and more common.

For me it hit close to home.  My mother was diagnosed with diabetes not long after I was born and it claimed her life when I was 10 years old.  She was 39 - only nine years older than I am now.  Although I was very young at the time I remember the difficulty my mother had coping with the lifestyle changes that come with being a diabetic.  She was always a naturally thin person, so diet restrictions were not a previous concern.  I now know that she went through depression as a result of being diagnosed.  From my research, this is a common occurrence.  Her defiance towards diabetes, combined with failure to properly regulate her diet and insulin intake is what caused the diabetic coma and ultimately her death.

I tell this story because I want people that have, or know someone that has diabetes, to take it seriously.  Losing someone to this disease is life-changing.  I still miss my mom every day.

It is my hope that we can stop diabetes so that no child has to lose a parent to diabetes ever again.  You can visit http://www.diabetes.org/ for education on Type 1, Type 2 and Gestational Diabetes.  The site includes prevention information, a way to donate  and recipes.  You can also take a Risk Test to determine if you are pre-diabetes or type 2. Of course you should  also visit your doctor for regular check ups and he/she will be able to test your blood glucose.  

I hope that everyone will take a minute to read the information provided by the American Diabetes Association and think about making positive changes in your lifestyle to help lower your risk of being diagnosed with diabetes.  Do it for yourself and your loved ones.

• Pictured above is my Grandmother, on the left and my mom, Nina, on the right.  And yes, that blond, chubby baby is me.  Go ahead and have yourself a good laugh.  :)

Cowtown 10K Completed! Now the "Run to Joes..."

So last Saturday was the Cowtown 10K.  You would not believe the way my body protested at 5:00 am when I got up to get ready and head to Funky Town.  I made it there early enough to pick up a friend's downtown parking pass - most definitely the bright spot of the day was being able to park very close to all the activities.   It was freezing and I tried to warm up a bit but I really just wanted to get the damn thing over with as soon as possible. 

As we lined up at the starting line, I saw a mix of people.  Serious runners lined up at the front.  You know..the ones who are actually trying to win the race.  I headed towards the middle/rear since I knew I couldn't keep up with the people keeping pace at a 5 minute mile.  The gun went off, I started my ipod and away we went...

For the most part it was a nice jog.  The sun came out and warmed everything up to a nice temp.  It turned out to be a beautiful day.  I ran for the most part, only allowing myself to slow to a walk at the water stations.  I was hurting towards the end but I didn't want to stop because, again, I just wanted it to be over.  Finishing was not exhilirating but I was happy and felt accomplished.  I did realize a few things from this run:

1.  There is no way I will ever "win" a 10K, ever.  I am not built for fast pace running.  I can go the distance but not with speed.

2.  I do not want to run more than a 10K, ever.  I know people dig the half and full marathons but the 6.213 miles is enough for me thankyouverymuch.

3.  My running playlist is not just for fun, it is a necessity.  Here's what I run to:

• Ain't no rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant
• Mama Do - Pixie Lott
• Replay - lyaz
• Rehab - Amy Winehouse
• Just Dance - Lady Gaga
• In Love With A Girl - Gavin DeGraw
• How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty
• Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
• Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall
• Battlefield - Jordin Sparks
• Driving Me Mad - Neil Finn
• Buster Voodoo - Rodrigo y Gabriela
• Kerosene - Miranda Lambert

4.  I want to do better in the next 10K.  I ran this one in aprox 1 hour, 10 min.  I finished with about 800 people behind me and 2000 ahead of me.  I know I can do better than that.  I'm glad I wasn't last though.  Not that there is anything wrong with being last because, hey, at least you finished.

So...next up:  10K "Run to Joe's" - http://www.samaritanhouse.org/runtojoes/index.asp

Saying Goodbye to Korey...

" He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
--Unknown

As a pet owner, I know that the heartbreak of pet ownership is that, you end up saying goodbye to them before they say goobye to you. To be clear, Korey was not my dog. I started dating her owner, Jacob, when she was about a year old. And through our tumultuous relationship the dark grey Weimaraner grew up to into her 10th year of life before moving on...

Korey loved the water. She would chase a bumper as long as there was someone to throw it for her. With her natural instinct to retrieve, Jacob trained her to duck hunt. She loved hunting season and loved going with him. Many mornings I was woken up at 4 am from her whining because she couldn't contain her excitement as he loaded up the truck.  On the few occasions I went with them to the lake, I would watch her...decked out in her camo vest, intent on her task.  She prefered to ride towards the front of the boat, ears flapping in the wind.  Her yellow eyes would scan the water, ready to jump in. Occasionally her impatience for Jacob prevailed and she would jump in when she felt like it, not waiting for his command. 

At home she never understood why she wasn’t like the little dogs. She truly believed she could fit her full 70 lbs in your lap. If you laid next to her she wanted to be as close as possible to you. Many times while on the computer she would come up underneath my arm and knock it away from the mouse with her head as if to say “Its time to pet me - I need some attention.” Korey was always happy to see you and made her affection known by wiggling her nub of a tail and giving a well placed lick to the face...or hand...or leg (whatever was available). She was not allowed on the bed but it was undoubtedly her favorite spot to sleep besides the couch - another place she was not allowed. If her “baby” (a plastic crab and the only toy she wouldn’t chew to pieces) was on your pillow, it was a sure sign she was napping in a forbidden spot.

Korey also loved to eat. She couldn’t be trusted alone with any food. Once after a successful hunt, Jacob was making stuffed dove breast for dinner. I sat in the living room while he was in the kitchen soaking the dove in Dr. Pepper, stuffing it with cream cheese, and wrapping it in bacon. I remember how excited he was about that meal. She was at his feet the whole time because she knew something exciting was happening also. He made the mistake of going to light the grill while Korey stayed behind in the kitchen. Although he was only gone for a couple of minutes, it was all the time she needed to devour the dove - skewers and all. It was hard to be angry with her when she’s giving you a look that says “I know I was bad, but you should have known better...”

On her final day, despite whatever she was feeling, her little nub of a tail wiggled at me when I walked through the door. On the way to the vet, I sat with her in the back of the truck, stroking her head and ears; softly telling her "good girl".

She and I waited while Jacob went inside to get the vet. I don’t know if the sound of my voice brought her any comfort. I guess I would like to believe that it did. While we sat, I told her about how she would see her old friend, “fat dog”, soon. I told her that where she was going she could swim whenever she wanted and there was always someone who wanted to play fetch. I told her that the hunters are all excellent shots and there are always birds to retrieve.  I apologized that Jacob and I couldn’t come with her but that we would see her soon and that we expected lots of licks from her when we got there.  Her eyes looked tired but not painful. This year’s hunting season was over. She was ready to go.

The end was very quick. They took her to the back and within minutes she was gone. We sat in the exam room, with tears in our eyes, listening to the vet tell us that she didn’t suffer - that between her heart condition and the tumor in her lungs, Jacob had done all he could do. 

Now she will be laid to rest.  Her ashes will be spread at two of her favorite spots...one last ride out to the lake and one final trip to Jacob's father's house.  So goodbye sweet girl.  Although you weren't mine, I loved you just the same and will miss you always until I see you again.     

"If there are no dogs in Heaven,
then when I die I want to go
where they went."

Will Rogers, 1897-1935