Friendship and Forgiveness

Not long ago, I, very suddenly, lost a good friend. Some events transpired and I hurt her, unintentionally. I knew something was off with us.  I found myself wanting to say something to her many times but I held back, regrettably.

The day she blew me off was a bit surprising. I was hurt. But knowing what kind of person she was/is, I was forced to take a look at myself and question whether I had been as good of a friend as I thought I had been. Unfortunately, I felt like I had failed in many ways. Immediately afterwards, I agonized over saying something to her. Ultimately I never did and before I knew it 6 months had gone by without a word from either of us. During that period I thought about her and what had happened, almost daily. I told myself at some point this would stop. It never did and an empty spot remained where our friendship had once been.

As April came around, I was reminded that her birthday was approaching. I considered maintaining my radio silence but I just couldn’t do it. The thought of her birthday coming and going without a word from me was just too much. Dammit, I was going to wish her a happy birthday whether she wanted me to or not!

She responded to my initial email quickly (which I took as a good sign). We found an excuse to meet for brunch. In the week leading up, I debated with myself over whether or not I should bring up the initial incident that caused our rift, or whether I should let it go. Ultimately, I went in without plan or agenda. When I arrived, we hugged and in that moment I forgave her for whatever she had done to hurt my feelings. It was a sincere hug. It was a hug that said, “I’ve missed you and I’m happy to see you.”

We had a long lunch, chatting and catching up on various topics. Finally, as lunch was coming to a close, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said “I’m sorry.” My response mirrored hers. I felt sudden relief, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. There. It had been said. I breathed easier. Amazing how two simple words, heartfelt and sincere, can wash away all those months of grief and anxiety.

And now, I am thankful... Thankful for another chance to be a better friend, Thankful for the lessons I've learned over the past 6 months, and Thankful that forgiveness can help heal old wounds.